7 Things That Happen at Every iPhone Launch

iPhone launch events are getting pretty predictable...

Did you watch Apple’s iPhone 7 launch? We were treated to two new iPhones, as well as a new series of Apple Watch – but no new MacBook (unfortunately for us. Our 2010 MacBook Pro desperately needs an upgrade.)

As always, it was an eventful, erm, event. But Apple keynotes have gotten a little predictable over the years, don’t you think? Here are 7 things that happen at every iPhone launch:

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1. Terrible jokes

Look, guys – you’re businessmen / technology nerds / minor celebrities – not comedians. Leave the forced humour at the door, it’ll be better for everyone involved.

2. Jonathan Ive looks sad

Seriously. Why does the man never smile in product videos? We’re worried Tim Cook might be holding his family hostage or something. Blink if you need help, Jonathan. Spell out ‘H E L P’ in sign language. We’ll call the police right now.

3. A celebrity makes an appearance

Thankfully, we weren’t “treated” to a live performance by U2 this year. However, James Corden and Pharrell teamed up to drive Tim Cook to the keynote event – with a little bit of karaoke thrown on top. Very hip, Tim.

4. Tim Cook pronounces something wrong

I mean, we’re talking about the guy who doesn’t know how to say “Pokémon” here. Little known fact: his name is actually Tom Cuke; he’s just been pronouncing it weirdly and everyone is too polite to correct him.

5. “New” features and “improvements”

Wow! One whole extra hour of battery life? Gee, thanks Apple, we don’t even know what we’ll do with all that extra time. What? New wireless headphones? We definitely won’t be losing those tiny little things the second they’re out of the box.

6. Everyone loses it over a new colour of iPhone

First was the gold option, then we all felt mild embarrassment at just how much we loved the new rose gold colour – but it’s so pretty! This time, we all reverted to our 13-year-old emo selves when the jet black option was revealed. Finally, a phone as dark as our souls.

7. No one cares about the Apple Watch

Eh. It’s a cool gimmick. It vibrates on your wrist. It’s got Pokémon Go on it. But is it jet black? No, so bring back the iPhone 7!

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